Tag: #love and loss

My Letter to Riki

September 27, 2025 

Dear Riki, 

As we draw near the 10th year of your passing, I want to tell you how we’re doing, because I remember that you called me every day to check on me. I know that you check on your children every day, too, even now. Today would have been your 44th birthday. 

First of all, we miss you so deeply.  We remember your sense of humor, your devotion to your three babies, your talents in the kitchen, your ability to draw people to you, your friendliness to everyone you met, your high vibrations, and your empathy toward others.   

Your children are doing well.  Korbin is moving up the ladder at Walmart, and he continues to cook at Coyotes, because that’s where his friends work.  He loves cars, and he plays in Pokémon tournaments. Shawn is a wonderful daddy to his little girl, Nova.  He is thriving at work as an HVAC expert, and he’s supervising a crew, too. He is going through a rough patch, and he tells me every time we talk, that he misses you dearly, and he wishes you were here to give him advice. Nova is thriving and seems to be a happy little girl. 

Sam is in school and doing well. Her lowest grade is an A-. She is a wonderful mother to the happiest little boy I’ve ever met.  His name is Finn.   

I know you’d be the best grandmother for these babies.  Finn loves to talk to the big portrait I have of you in my living room.  He senses that you are his grandmother and that you are special. 

As you know, we went through some terrible times last year, but we came through it, because we are strong.  All of my GC friends were there to support us during the whole time. Your children have your strength. I see you in them every day.  They learned how to be strong from you, and that is what has carried them through the tragedy of losing you, of watching their own daddy struggle with addictions, and through having a “grandpa” who only hurt them all with his deceit and selfishness.  Oh, how I wish you were here to ease their pain.  Please go to them in their dreams.  That would help a great deal. 

I know your friends miss you desperately, too! They continue to celebrate your birthday, and none of the Village misses your children’s big events, like graduations, birthdays, births, and the like.  I still have some of your recorded voice, so I listen to that every now and again.  I continue to ask why a wonderful young mother would be taken from her children in at the prime of her life and at the serious developmental stages of her children?  You were the heart and soul of your family and of your friend group, the Village.  That’s why they called you, “Mama Bear.”   

Your Brother will likely light a fire in your memory tonight.  The children and I will go out to dinner and reflect on your legacy.   

Finally, I think of you every day.  I ask for your guidance of your children. I love you, dearly, Riki, and I hope you are resting in Power! 

Love Mom. 

Remembering Riki

Yes. My featured image is fuzzy, to say the least, but I want to share the story of Riki.  She’s the loved one in the middle of her friends who are kissing her, which epitomizes the life of our daughter, Riki. We lost her nearly five years ago, and Sunday, September 27, 2020 would have been her 39th birthday.

While, not a day goes by that she’s not on our minds, I take the day of her birth to remember. Often, those remembrances come by her presence in photos and artwork, or by the sound of her voice emanating out of her, now, 12 year old daughter. Her sons exhibit her soul when they demonstrate empathy for others and by their senses of humor, which make Riki ever-present in our minds and hearts.

Our son, Stevie, often shows Riki’s expressions when he’s run out of patience for “stupid” people, and his language certainly echoes shades of his sister. The more expletives, the more he sounds like her. If you can raise your children to be best friends, do it. Riki and Stevie were always best friends, and I know he talks to her daily. I see the same closeness in Riki’s three children. The eldest anticipates his high school graduation and takes college classes now! Our granddaughter made known her worries about big brother “leaving us” to live on his own during college and eventually off to work. The middle child demonstrates his responsibility by having a job and maintaining a car.  The three interact with great love, and, like most siblings, have their disagreements, but come back to each other at the end of the day.  I love when siblings depend on each other emotionally. That makes for life-long friends when siblings feel that deep connection to one another.

Interesting thing, for me, about Riki and Stevie is that they, were, and are great in the kitchen. Riki specialized in homemade noodles, breads, and creative dishes. She could look in our refrigerator at the random things, and come up with a great meal.

Stevie, also, specializes in breads, meat dishes, and the creative process in the kitchen.  He’s a building contractor, and I think he approaches baking and cooking much the same way he meets the challenges of building a house, a deck, or any structure he’s hired to build.  In the end, he creates some memorable feasts, such as meat pies, hamburgers encased in their own buns, and “steak au frites!”

Celebrating the life of a child who has passed from this life, which no parent should ever have to do, surely means we learn to live with the loss, and we find ways to live with our “new normal.” We celebrate our son, Stevie, and continue to find daily joys in our grandchildren.  Stevie has a son, who we love dearly for his spirit, his no-nonsense approach to life, and his laugh.  Riki’s children give us joy as we watch them mature into wonderful young adults. 

Riki taught us how to love life, how to gather friends around us (even if at a distance as per the challenges of living during a pandemic), how to appreciate the little things, and how to find the greatest joy in music and nature.

We learn that it’s okay to grieve.  It is not a weakness to grieve the loss of a loved one.  No amount of “faith in a higher power” should lessen our ability to grieve a loss.  Yes. That faith may be part of how one survives the loss and navigates the daily sense of loss, but by no means should we work to replace ignore those feelings.  If you suffer a loss, such as that of a child, sibling, parent, etc. grieve as you see fit.  Face it head on, which is much healthier, emotionally and physically, than stuffing or ignoring the emotions after the loss of a loved one.  Feel it. Face it directly.  Yes. Painful though it is, we come out in a better place. Grief does not go away by ignoring it.

In all this, I have not found great books on grief.  I would dream of writing a book on the subject one day.  I do know one thing.  Self-care and grace for one self is key to its survival.

Thank you for reading my blog.