Remembering Riki

Yes. My featured image is fuzzy, to say the least, but I want to share the story of Riki.  She’s the loved one in the middle of her friends who are kissing her, which epitomizes the life of our daughter, Riki. We lost her nearly five years ago, and Sunday, September 27, 2020 would have been her 39th birthday.

While, not a day goes by that she’s not on our minds, I take the day of her birth to remember. Often, those remembrances come by her presence in photos and artwork, or by the sound of her voice emanating out of her, now, 12 year old daughter. Her sons exhibit her soul when they demonstrate empathy for others and by their senses of humor, which make Riki ever-present in our minds and hearts.

Our son, Stevie, often shows Riki’s expressions when he’s run out of patience for “stupid” people, and his language certainly echoes shades of his sister. The more expletives, the more he sounds like her. If you can raise your children to be best friends, do it. Riki and Stevie were always best friends, and I know he talks to her daily. I see the same closeness in Riki’s three children. The eldest anticipates his high school graduation and takes college classes now! Our granddaughter made known her worries about big brother “leaving us” to live on his own during college and eventually off to work. The middle child demonstrates his responsibility by having a job and maintaining a car.  The three interact with great love, and, like most siblings, have their disagreements, but come back to each other at the end of the day.  I love when siblings depend on each other emotionally. That makes for life-long friends when siblings feel that deep connection to one another.

Interesting thing, for me, about Riki and Stevie is that they, were, and are great in the kitchen. Riki specialized in homemade noodles, breads, and creative dishes. She could look in our refrigerator at the random things, and come up with a great meal.

Stevie, also, specializes in breads, meat dishes, and the creative process in the kitchen.  He’s a building contractor, and I think he approaches baking and cooking much the same way he meets the challenges of building a house, a deck, or any structure he’s hired to build.  In the end, he creates some memorable feasts, such as meat pies, hamburgers encased in their own buns, and “steak au frites!”

Celebrating the life of a child who has passed from this life, which no parent should ever have to do, surely means we learn to live with the loss, and we find ways to live with our “new normal.” We celebrate our son, Stevie, and continue to find daily joys in our grandchildren.  Stevie has a son, who we love dearly for his spirit, his no-nonsense approach to life, and his laugh.  Riki’s children give us joy as we watch them mature into wonderful young adults. 

Riki taught us how to love life, how to gather friends around us (even if at a distance as per the challenges of living during a pandemic), how to appreciate the little things, and how to find the greatest joy in music and nature.

We learn that it’s okay to grieve.  It is not a weakness to grieve the loss of a loved one.  No amount of “faith in a higher power” should lessen our ability to grieve a loss.  Yes. That faith may be part of how one survives the loss and navigates the daily sense of loss, but by no means should we work to replace ignore those feelings.  If you suffer a loss, such as that of a child, sibling, parent, etc. grieve as you see fit.  Face it head on, which is much healthier, emotionally and physically, than stuffing or ignoring the emotions after the loss of a loved one.  Feel it. Face it directly.  Yes. Painful though it is, we come out in a better place. Grief does not go away by ignoring it.

In all this, I have not found great books on grief.  I would dream of writing a book on the subject one day.  I do know one thing.  Self-care and grace for one self is key to its survival.

Thank you for reading my blog.