As we draw near the 10th year of your passing, I want to tell you how we’re doing, because I remember that you called me every day to check on me. I know that you check on your children every day, too, even now. Today would have been your 44th birthday.
First of all, we miss you so deeply. We remember your sense of humor, your devotion to your three babies, your talents in the kitchen, your ability to draw people to you, your friendliness to everyone you met, your high vibrations, and your empathy toward others.
Your children are doing well. Korbin is moving up the ladder at Walmart, and he continues to cook at Coyotes, because that’s where his friends work. He loves cars, and he plays in Pokémon tournaments. Shawn is a wonderful daddy to his little girl, Nova. He is thriving at work as an HVAC expert, and he’s supervising a crew, too. He is going through a rough patch, and he tells me every time we talk, that he misses you dearly, and he wishes you were here to give him advice. Nova is thriving and seems to be a happy little girl.
Sam is in school and doing well. Her lowest grade is an A-. She is a wonderful mother to the happiest little boy I’ve ever met. His name is Finn.
I know you’d be the best grandmother for these babies. Finn loves to talk to the big portrait I have of you in my living room. He senses that you are his grandmother and that you are special.
As you know, we went through some terrible times last year, but we came through it, because we are strong. All of my GC friends were there to support us during the whole time. Your children have your strength. I see you in them every day. They learned how to be strong from you, and that is what has carried them through the tragedy of losing you, of watching their own daddy struggle with addictions, and through having a “grandpa” who only hurt them all with his deceit and selfishness. Oh, how I wish you were here to ease their pain. Please go to them in their dreams. That would help a great deal.
I know your friends miss you desperately, too! They continue to celebrate your birthday, and none of the Village misses your children’s big events, like graduations, birthdays, births, and the like. I still have some of your recorded voice, so I listen to that every now and again. I continue to ask why a wonderful young mother would be taken from her children in at the prime of her life and at the serious developmental stages of her children? You were the heart and soul of your family and of your friend group, the Village. That’s why they called you, “Mama Bear.”
Your Brother will likely light a fire in your memory tonight. The children and I will go out to dinner and reflect on your legacy.
Finally, I think of you every day. I ask for your guidance of your children. I love you, dearly, Riki, and I hope you are resting in Power!
My lovely daughter, Riki L. Warner, would have been 42 years old today. We’re coming up on eight years of her passing. We continue to wonder what would have been had her medical care team met her needs and better served this young mother who left behind three beautiful children and a loving husband. I suppose we never should ponder such questions.
The top image features my necklace with Riki’s picture. The compass rose, given to me by Lynn, not only represents my occupation and passions as a geographer, but I love that it sits next to Riki as she was my north, my south, my east, my west, my working week, and my Sunday rest, so the W.H. Auden poem goes. The Zuni turquoise inlay ring represents the drum, so important in our (Native) ceremonies and prayers.
The past two weeks have been those of family gatherings and celebrations. On September, I had the honor of officiating my nephew’s wedding in Southwest Colorado, and then this past weekend, I officiated my grandson, Shawn to his bride Gracie. Shawn is Riki and Jonathan’s middle child. His empathy for others shines as his super strength. My sister, Eileen, joined in the celebration which took place in Southwest Missouri. Yes! We had a busy week.
I will have to write about the first wedding later, but my focus for this is to highlight Riki’s son, Shawn. This would have been a major event for Riki to see her son married. Shawn and Gray have known each other since middle school. Similar to Riki and Jonathan who met in 6th grade and had been married 12 years when she passed from a heart condition that doctors did not take seriously, because, “She’s very young and may grow out of it.” Who says that. We found out later that she should have had a defibrillating pacemaker. I now share some lovely pictures of the wedding. Here’s Riki with Shawn as a sweet child.
Jonathan sat next to this picture for the ceremony. I thought it such a great tribute to Shawn’s mommy. Shawn’s brother, Korbin, my eldest grand child was the best man, and gave a lovely speech to his brother and new sister-in-law at the reception.
Everyone felt Riki’s presence at the wedding. Her children made her proud on this beautiful day. Sammy and her friend Darrell distributed the bags of bird seeds on the chairs for the recessional. That was fun, and my sister Claudia made the bird seed bags.
Maybe it’s not everyday that a grandma gets to officiate her grandson’s wedding. My son, Stevie, took his nephews to his special barber for their wedding haircuts the day preceding the wedding. My sister gave me tremendous emotional support and great suggestions. Riki’s “Village” was there to celebrate Shawn and remember their dear friend, Riki. I am so grateful to those young families.
Stevie and Dianna entertained Eileen and me, after the reception, with hilarious talk and Stevie’s rendition of Tony Montana from Scarface! Who knew this bittersweet celebration could be joyous and sad at the same time? We make the best of our situations everyday while we greatly miss our Riki.
This time last year, one of Riki’s school friends wrote to me on messenger. Joey told me that he thought about her in so many different situations. The greatest gift Joey gave to me was to say, “Thank you for bringing Riki into this world.” Such a kind and beautiful thing to say to a grieving parent. Riki, we miss you everyday.
My featured image is one taken on the patio next to my building on campus, which is two years old. The dear dragonfly landed on wet concrete, lost his life, but left a lovely image that one can enjoy when sitting on the table next to it. The dragonfly lives on…
This long read functions as my trip diary. My summer began on May 13, 2023. The graduate school has its ceremony on the second Friday in May, so the next day, I headed to Colorado, to celebrate Mother’s Day. On Monday the 15th, my sister, Eileen, and I boarded the California Zephyr to head to San Francisco. I love riding the train, which I do quite often. It was my sister’s first time on the Amtrak. The train departed at 4:10 pm, and away we went. Before we embarked, I mixed a cocktail for us to have a toast to our journey. We settled for paper cups since I had no access to proper glasses.
Some of the beauty seen along the way includes the magnificent Colorado River, fabulous geological structures, and brilliant colors. I care not for the rafters on the Colorado that insist on showing the Zephyr passengers their breasts and butts! None too impressive.
We had lovely meals on the train, as per usual. The meals come with the roomette, which is for two passengers. One of my favorite things about train travel includes permission to self to sit and enjoy the ride. I usually bring a book for the return ride, but my sis and I talked the whole way, both directions. I love meal times, too! There are four to each dining table, and when one’s party is two, one gets to meet two other people to be dining partners. This was my 10th train trip on the Amtrak system in the U.S., and I still think that the most friendly people ride the train. At least those remains my experiences in the dining cars and in the observation cars.
We arrived in Emeryville 24 hours from embarking in Grand Junction, CO. Passengers heading to San Francisco must take a bus across the Bay Bridge to get to the City. We lodged into our hotel by 6:00 p.m., cleaned up, and went hunting for our first dinner in SF. Not far from our hotel, at the entrance to China Town, we found a lovely Asian bistro, called, NOMA. Great staff, and great food. Here’s a glimpse:
We turned in early for a big day on our first, full day. I like to travel with a bit of food, just in case, so we made coffee in the room, and we ate energy bites that I made for the trip. One little “bite” has oatmeal, raisins, cinnamon, honey, and almond butter. Mix all the ingredients and form into spheres about the size of a golf ball. They taste delicious, and just one makes a great breakfast with a hot beverage. That gave us energy for a long morning until lunch.
Our hotel was not too far from Pier 1 on the Embarcadero, so we went the opposite direction on Bush to head toward The Golden Gate Bridge on the opposite side. We walked by retail spaces, auto repair and sale garages, beautiful homes, and tourist attractions. We walked past the homes on Nob Hill and the area surrounding Lombard street. We checked on the prices of those homes for sale. Even the most “simple” homes were priced at 9 million! We marveled at the gardens (a.ka. “yards”) in front of the homes with fruit trees, wild growing rosemary and fennel, and tropical plants. Once we gazed at the Golden Gate Bridge, we began to descend the many stairs toward the Palace of Fine Arts.
Travels with my sis, Eileen, proved to be a most marvelous time, because she is curious and interested in her environments of flora and fauna. We loved the beauty of the Palace of Fine Arts, built for the 1915 Panama-Pacific Exhibition. From there, we could see most of the peninsula that is San Francisco. All this walking, and a little bit of foraging on the edible flora, we became hungry, so we headed to Fisherman’s Wharf.
One of my favorite things about the Wharf is the Maritime Museum of once active sea-going vessels, such as the Balclutha, which was closed for “safety concerns.” Years back, I attended several Sea Shanty Sing-alongs, but those were not happening this time either! Of course, we enjoyed the sea lions at Pier 39, too. On to the food…
Fisherman’s Wharf’s fame lies in its many food and local memorabilia. We found one of my favorite open-air fish market/dining places that serves clam chowder in a sourdough boule hollowed out to make a bowl for the chowder. Delicious! Then we wandered over to Ghiardelli Square to chocolate. Most of it was closed for remodeling, so we just saw the small retail store selling the famous chocolates. The walk prepared us for the Hotel Buena Vista for Irish coffee and a most friendly bartender!
After the coffees, we headed to Columbus Ave to visit City Lights Bookstore, as I do on every visit to SF. As per usual, City Lights Bookstore was a haven for readers, and the second floor dedicates itself to the Beats and their literary progeny. We found some books, some by Lawrence Ferlinghetti, the father of City Lights. Sadly, the clerk that waited on us was one of the most sour individuals I’ve ever met! I wondered why he was so rude and dismissive. What is a person like this doing in this haven for literature? I thought maybe he was having a rough day, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Nope! We returned two days later only to find the rude guy waiting on us again. He was pleasant to look at, but he, apparently, has a black heart! On to purchase dinner…
After City Lights and a picture-taking opportunity of Vesuvios (Featured in Mike Myers, So I married an axe murderer) we found Molinari deli with the most beautiful assortment of Italian cured meats, locally made mozzarellas, in-house made bread, and many delights.
We procured a lovely supper of meats, cheeses, olives, sun-dried tomatoes, bread, and wine to enjoy on our hotel’s roof top. Oops! I failed to mention that we stayed at the Orchard Hotel near the entrance of China Town. It has a lovely roof top with tables, chairs, and views of San Francisco! We took our lovely dinner to the rooftop where we enjoyed a chilly evening with great food and wine.
We had leftovers, which we enjoyed at the train station in Emeryville while we awaited our east bound Zephyr on Saturday morning. We retired to bed after a day’s walk of 12 miles, great food, and breath-taking sights. On to Thursday’s adventures…
Early to rise, and after a small breakfast of my energy bites (1 cup oats, 1/2 cup honey, 3/4 cup raisins, 1 cup almond butter, all mixed and formed into a golf ball sized sphere!) and coffee before heading to the Embarcadero, Pier 31, to board the vessel that took us to Alcatraz.
My main interest in visiting Alcatraz was to honor the “Indian” occupation in the 1970s. We were protesting the generations of erasure pursued by congress. We are still here! From Alcatraz, one can only imagine the gorgeous vistas from this place of imprisonment for crimes ranging from theft of fewer than $100 to murder, all in the same place. Yes. People should be held accountable, but some who have done worse are still walking free.
Back to Pier 31 by noon, we were ready for finding food! Luckily, The Ferry Building is near Pier 1, and though it was a bit of a walk, it was worth it! The Ferry Building, now the Ferry Building Marketplace, was built in 1898. While it had some decades of decay, it stands in a state of continual renewal and reimagining. It hosts vendors in an enclosed “farmers’ market” style of booths ranging from caviar to fungi, and all foods in between. For two foodies, it was hard to settle on one cultural food choice, so we combined different taste profiles. For some reason, I didn’t get pictures of our meal, only our desserts: cheesecake with caviar and Aztec chocolate with marshmallow! Yum!
After lunches, desserts, and drinks at the Ferry Building, we headed out for more walking. We ascended the steps to Coit Tower, walked around in surrounding neighborhoods and headed back to the hotel after we took pictures with the Transamerica Building.
Since Eileen’s husband is a rabid Denver Nuggets fan, we had to find a place to watch one of the playoff games, and we found an Irish Pub with the game. We ate corned beef and cabbage with a nice Guiness while we watched the game. The Nuggets went on to become world champs!
After 9 miles of walking, we retired to sleep eager for our final, full day in San Francisco.
Friday, being our final day, we opted for public transportation since the cable and street cars are moving museums. First we went to the Castro District. Sadly, the theater was dark that week. We walked around, and had a snack.
Then we rode the street car back to a point to catch the cable car to Fisherman’s Wharf, for some memorabilia. After much walking and site seeing, we headed to Columbus Ave. for our final big meal at the Mona Lisa, known for their Sicilian Caviar, which is garlic baked in butter and olive oil. I can just imagine how we reeked!
We returned to our hotel, packed our suit cases to prepare for our return trip, and fell into restless slumbers for an early morning departure on a bus from SF and across the bay to Emeryville to board the California Zephyr east bound.
When we arrived in Emeryville, we learned that the train would be six hours late. That’s okay. I love the train! Since we were in for a long wait, we savored a nice breakfast of leftovers from Molinari and Boudin Sourdough, and I made bloody marys with tomato juice from the snack stand. It was a great feast! Is this a travel or a food blog?
We boarded the Zephyr and recounted the great stories of our adventure. Eileen is the best of travel companions. We compliment eachother’s travel styles. She does research on prospective experiences, and I fly by the seat of my pants! Here are some of our final sites.
Today, I pay tribute and remembrances on what would have been my daughter Riki’s 41st birthday. As we near the seven-year anniversary of her passing, I observe that losing a child to death at an early age tends to stay fresh in my mind as if it happened yesterday. Riki made such an impact on those around her, and her tight friend group, “The Village” continues to honor her on her birthday. The Village, also, continues to offer emotional supports to the children left behind by the premature death of their mother, my daughter.
I loved watching Riki connect to people. She always paid special attention to those who were, perhaps, less fortunate. At her funeral, during reflection comments, a man stood up to tell about how she made him feel special when he met Riki for the first time. Many told similar stories. What made her special? She loved to laugh, and she had a quick and clever wit. Riki loved to engage in deep discussions with her friends. Before “google,” she would call us for answers to questions in these deep discussions. Mainly, the call would be for us to affirm her points of view.
Riki knew how to make moments special even in the most mundane of tasks. She directed nutrition in school food programs. Riki loved to prepare and share food with friends. Her children consider her “the best cook ever!” On Wednesdays, Riki used to prepare a “taco bar” for the Village. This year’s “Riki Celebration” will feature a taco bar for friends and family paying tribute to her memory.
I took the day from work to pay tribute. My 92 year old mother and her 85 year old husband are visiting. My mother and I took the day to prepare a lovely meal of grilled steak, asparagus, caprese salad, and fresh cucumbers. We offer a toast to my daughter and my mother’s great granddaughter, Riki. We prepared foods loved by Riki.
We could have enjoyed a lovely meal at a local restaurant, but Riki loved to cook and bake, so Mother and I prepared a meal that Riki would have loved: steak, asparagus, caprese salad, and fresh cucumbers. A nice bottle of cabernet sauvignon rounded out the meal, and we had a lovely slice of peanut butter cake for a crowning glory to the “good eats!”
As Indigenous tradition would have it, at least for my tribe/nation, we sing songs and give thanks to Mother Earth and the Creator for what we have and for what we love. We built a roaring fire to which we gave sage and tobacco. We felt Riki’s presence. It was a great honor to be Riki’s mother. She gave all to those who were around her.
To that point, I received a lovely note from one or Riki’s high school friends. Joey thanked me for bringing Riki into the world, and he shared in honor in knowing her. That lovely note came at just the right time to give me a great blessing. Thank you, Joey.
I find it difficult not to reflect on the pain in the world, at present. How do we center ourselves in the face of such hurt? Well, here I go again touting the benefits of mindful thinking and about my outlook on life. These are some common question that I ask myself. Am I practicing gratitude? Am I practicing stewardship of the land, water, language, and preserving other parts of the natural world? I do realize that when we navigate in environments of poverty, exclusions, marginalizations, and living in the fringes, it becomes a great challenge to have gratitude for much of anything. But, what if we looked inside for what is going well for us? Are we able to stop for a minute and think about for what we can be grateful?
I know. Digging through your mind in the midst of conflict, deep emotions, and sadness may be the worst time to gather positive reflections. I do know that it works, however. My practice, which now is a habit, has been part of my life these past four months. Yes. I am facing some great life challenges, and I can tell you that focusing on gratitude and daily affirmations works! Challenges become navigable.
Bianka’s Hummer
I find that nature offers the best self-care, meditative, and gratitude-giving opportunities. My sweet cousin, Bianka, a war veteran who now spends much of her time bike racing on BMX tracks with her twin brother, also a military veteran, who builds racing bikes, like his father did, now works to perfect her photography skills. That’s her hummingbird picture. It gave me time to stop to appreicate the delicate body, the exquisite little feet, the striations on the neck, and the moment in time when Bianka got this perfect photo of the little bird hovering near the sugar water feeder. When we take that time to appreciate the perfect details of the natural world, we begin to offer gratitude for what some may think of as mundane, but it helps us to be thankful for what we may think of as insignificant details of the world. Also, when we take time to offer thanks for the small things, it helps us to slow down from busy lives and be in a moment with ourselves. Try it.
Bianka Hummer 2
Consider camping as an outdoor activity where you get to interact with the natural world. Camping is one of my favorite pasttimes. It’s a time when I just allow myself to do nothing but breathe in the clean air, listen to the birds and other flying, loping, crawling, or jumping lives of the natural world.
Kelly’s Flock (a few of them)
My dear friend, Kelly, recently, acquired a flock of chickens to raise in his and his lovely wife’s backyard. Kelly told me about raising chickens, “It is therapeutic for me and I have peace when I am around them! I know they are just chickens to most people and is not a big deal, but I almost can’t put into words the joy these animals bring to me! I want many more, and one day, I will have chickens galore will be our theme!” I cannot imagine a flock of chickens being in more gentle hands!
Kelly’s Chickens at His Feet
Kelly went on to say, “I think the older you get the more you see the benefit of working to live and not living to work! We are in a world that is so disconnected from the natural things around us that we forget the incredible inner peace found in nature! We have lost the fact that nature is our kin and we have neglected that relationship.” Those are words that we Indigenous People live by, and those words coming from my dear friend Kelly mean the world to me.
I will end with a few of my daily affirmations that come from those around me who inspire me to improve:
I am curious to know something about everything and everything about something
I am thankful for…
I am courageous
I am living a great life
I am interested in everyone I meet (from my Dad)
I am valuable
I have wonderful friends who enrich my life
I learn great lessons from my loved ones
Today, I will learn something new
There are more, but I leave you with this great picture of a friendly kiss from Heidi, a dog who belongs to a business associate of my son.
My featured image comes from the drawing of my, then 7 years old, grandaugher! She had quite a long affair with unicorns. Now at the age of 14, I see different drawings of many different subjects. Interestingly, I see lots of mushrooms drawn these day. I hope the art work continues.
I love how our menus for the summer months change to meet environmental changes. Many of us may put lighter meals on the table during the hot days. Lately, I marvel at the versatility of chick peas (garbanzos or ceci beans), which makes them a perfect choice for a light meal packed with nutrients and protein. I do not always write down my kitchen creations. Many of them are what I dream up, and some are variations of dishes I’ve either prepared or eaten in other situations. Sometimes those recipes work, and somtimes they do not. I go with the flow, and there have been times, that I’ve thrown a failure out. The good news is that I have more great outcomes than I have failures in the kitchen, so that may be why it is a favored “medium” for this type of art.
Right now, my garden is not producing great things, but I am using garlic and onions from the garden. I allow dandelions to grow in one corner of the garden. The leaves are a great source of nutrients, and they add a satisfying crunch to any salad or sandwich with its slightly bitter flavor. The small leaves are not as bitter as the very large leaves. I like to walk around the yard to see if any purslane has grown around the sidewalks. It’s a great source of vitamins and add a special texture and flavor to salads. I love to forage in my yard and in the cemetery, a great source for wild garlic and wild onions.
Summer Salad
Cook quinoa as posted on the packaging. When quinoa cooks, pour into a bowl to allow it to cool.
If you used canned garbanzos, be sure to drain them well. If you prepare a small bag of the dry beans, know that it will cook up to three cups of the garbanzos. In that case, use one half of the cooked beans. Use the other half for your homemade hummus.
4- green onions diced
1- diced English cucumber
1- diced red pepper
1- small packge frozen sweet corn
1- batch cooked quinoa
1.5 cups well-drained garbanzo beans
4- chopped dandelion leaves (may use Romaine lettuce)
For the dressing, I use a simple vinegarette. One-half (106g) cup sherry vinegar, one-half cup (106g) of olive oil. To this, I add, 2 Tablespoons of molasses or date syrup (which helps in the emulsification process). For seasoning, add one-half teaspoon (2.84g) salt, one-half teaspoon chili powder, and one-quarter teaspoon of cumin. For an extra zing on the dressing, I add a few shakes of garlic and onion powders. Shake or whisk well, and set aside while you complete the salad.
Toss in the vinegarette about 10 minutes before you serve the salad. It serves well when the salad is chilled, too. It’s a great accompaniment to grilled shrimp, and a nice glass of buttery chardonnay.
Actually, I had it with grilled lamb steak and a paloma drink made with tequila, lime juice, salt, and squirt grapefruit soda. Usually, I float a lime wedge, but the picture shows that I used a lemon wedge. It’s delicious and refreshing. Eating on the deck with singing birds and small wildlife flitting about makes it all perfect.
My Work and Why I Create in the Kitchen
My work as a cultural geographer with a goal of moving toward institutional equity for historically excluded identities is a great mission for me, but I realize the institution for whom I work has a goal, which is more performative (“look at what we do”) than authentic and action-oriented. The institution still sees that recruiting more student, faculty, and staff of color is more of a favor to us as opposed to the fact that human diversity stregthens institutions. That can feel like my work in intercultural learning is more for show since more and more programming is implemented toward a pereived deficit rather than building on the strengths of human diversity.
The feedback from the students I mentor is the great part, along with teaching, which I adore, however I am not paid what I’m worth, which brings me to why I create in the kitchen. After a hard day at work fighting politics and the, almost, daily feedback that I’m not enough (I have a great boss, but she has to fight the same kinds of negative pushback from her leaders), I find that an evening in the kitchen makes those negative parts of the day subside. I love to cook from scratch with the freshest ingredients. This is where it can get creative. Also, I love cooking with friends. Pictured here are my friends from India, who know the meaning of joy, happiness, and tasty foods. Now, for some ideas…
First of all, explore ingredients. Just like pairing a wine with a specific dish, spices can make or break the flavor profile of a meal. Learn what spices go best with what ingredients, such as meats, fish, vegetables, or fruits. For example, take a simple meal like spaghetti. You may choose a meat and tomato based marinara to go with your spaghetti noodles. Or you may choose a pesto sauce to pair with what ever pasta you choose. You can add shrimp to the pesto-based sauce. Be brave and experiment, if interersted in “kitchen therapy.” Also, there is no shortage of people willing to share their own secrets with you in a multitude of platforms.
If being in the kitchen does not interest, find that one thing that you can do to relieve stress. Give yourself permission to be you in however you show up. Is it art or cleaning the house (really!)? It could be decorating a room or your house. What ever interests you and you find it a way to relieve stress, take the time to heal yourself. I like to be in the kitchen, because it can be a very practical way to create something fun while I nourish myself and others, as the case may be.
Find those meals to prepare that are interesting and allow you to sit over them in leisure. Pictured above shows my English breakfast with Dalgona coffee. We take about two hours to consume this meal, because we want to take longer to eat it than what it took to prepare. Think of the all-day labor of, say, a Thanksgiving meal or other type holiday when special meals are presented at table. My mother used to say, “What took me all day to prepare, you’ve eaten in 15 minutes!” Many in the U.S. tend not to approach meals in a convivial manner, such as those in Mediterranean climates. Other advantages of consuming a meal slowly means that you know when your stomach is full, and there is no hesitation in pushing away from the table.
Sure, I have other hobbies that relax me. I like my “kitchen therapy” because it engages all the senses: smell, hearing, tasting, touching, and seeing. Yes. Other hobbies engage the senses, but I can’t eat my woodworking or jewelry projects.
Find your way. I will be a treat. Thank you for reading me.
My featured image shows a doe and her fawn. When I took this picture, the fawn was about three days old. The doe gave birth in my day lily bed, and she parked her baby next to the house under a ladder. Now, two weeks later, the fawn has taken up residence in my front patio. Apparently, the doe comes at night to feed the baby and graze in the yard, a bit. We stay quite aware of the little guy’s presence and work very hard not to disturb. Also, as the Star Trek “prime directive” states, “Do not interfere in a life to change its course.” Hard as that is, I continue to worry that the doe will not return to nurse the fawn, but they have the instincts for survival and do what they need to do to survive as long as there is no human intervention.
What do you do to advance self-love? Many have been socialized to believe that self-love is selfish and wrong! That is likely a Puritan ideal, which very much permeates the dominant culture in the U.S. (Settler/Colonial culture). I’m not sure if there has ever a spiritual leader who’s asked us to hate ourselves. Of course, there are many political people, who call themselves “leaders,” who tell us quite often to dislike, hate, or exclude others who are considered “different.” I am happy to ignore them in this writing. What I do mean is that when we love ourselves, it’s nearly impossible to hate others, because true self-love helps us to love others even when they are not like us.
My point today is that unconditional self-love helps us to survive many things and may even be a support when tragedy strikes, such as recent school, church, and hospital shootings. Some of my past blog posts consist of other details in self-care, such as the Art of Hygge, cooking/baking, entertaining in your friend-circles, interactions in the natural world, and other activities in which we can engage to keep us from brain wiring and emotions ryfe with trauma.
Trauma does terrible things to emotional and physical health and well-being. All of us have likely experienced some form of trauma in our lives. That may mean that we spend many hours of our lives finding coping mechanisms and acquiring coping skills. We soon realize that coping/navigating skills are a life-long learning and behavioral journies. We do not take “training” and then we finish. Check box! No. Practicing self-love takes a life time. The key word is “practice” with the idea of not attaining “perfection!” I do think self-love is a choice, and I think when we have suffered adverse childhood experiences and forms of adult trauma, we tend to loose site of our abilities to choose a positive outlook. I do know that some have brain chemistry that can “hi-jack” that choice to have a positive outlook. Those instances require that we exercise great understanding and empathy.
Enjoying a moment in the “secret” alley way to corn dogs
Not too long ago, I interviewed a man from Kerala, India. He’s a mathematics teacher at a high school. Mr. K has lived in the U.S. for many years. He and his lovely wife “R” have raised two beautiful daughers. This family has the most positive outlook on life of any people I know! Mr. K takes his family on excursions to visit all of the National Parks in the U.S. They know their geography very well! During the interview, Mr. K said, “You know. The world is so beautiful. The people are beautiful. The landscapes are beautiful. I believe the world is so beautiful.” It was at that moment that I realized that Mr. K lives a life of positive thinking and he will always see the best in people, in nature, and in his relationships, because he chooses to see his life that same way. I see this attitude reflected in his daughers and in his spouse, too. Mr. K models and eminates self-love and the love of others. It sounds like a simple, wonderful, and balanced way to live.
I work on the concept of balance every day. The practice comes in the form of morning affirmations, yoga stretching, and fresh air. I end my day with more affirmations and the hopes of a adequate sleep. Getting adequate sleep and staying positive throughout the day tend to be my greatest challenges. The world is hurting, and I navigate institutional inequities on a daily basis. My hope continues to be that we may strive toward a positive outlook on life, so that we may be a beacon of light in this world and its pain.
Thank you for reading my blog. Next time, I’ll write about food.
The hounds of winter (Sting) linger where I live. The north winds blow the warmth from a seemingly sunny day, and the chill cuts to the bone. Relief from the grind of work comes from gathering with friends, family around the table enjoying a slow meal featuring a nice glass of wine.
Since the holidays of winter my joy continues to be hosting family and friends. While conversations and food go hand-in-hand, I find the loving preparation of a meal to be an intense form of love, because I want it just right! Here, I offer some highlights from varying meals along the way, with pictures of food and company.
2021 proved to be a wonderful year for riding the train. In November, we boarded the California Zephr to Salt Lake City. We stopped in Grand Junction Colorado after passing through 31 tunnels in the Rocky Mountain from Denver. My 92 year old mother and her 84 year old husband boarded in Grand Junction. My mother had not ridden the Amtrak until this point. We had roomettes, so the meals were included, and the Amtrak works hard at assuring a great dining experience. Dinners come with a glass of wine, white linen table cloths, and the tables always feature a red rose in a silver vase. I love riding the train. It appears to be the one time that I allow myself to sit and do nothing but watch the world go by. Here, I share some lovely highlights from the trip. We arrived in SLC at midnight and departed for home a few days later at 3:00 a.m.
Early in January, we set out on the train to head to our friends in West New York. Amtrak’s Southwest Chief travels from Los Angeles to Maryland in its entirety. We boarded in Kansas City, MO, and it took us to Chicago for a five-hour layover, which afords the travelers some time for sightseeing in Chicago. Though, its Union Station provides some great history and a lovely environment. The lounges provide quiet or busy areas to relax with snacks and beverages.
I’ve read train reviews by a younger set of riders who appear to be in a hurry and are grumpy about less than perfect accomodations. Like a slow meal that one savors, I find train travel to be a time to savor. Why be in a hurry? I find it a great time to sit back, enjoy the passing scenery, eat lovely meals, and get in some reading or napping. Try it sometime. The life in a cozy roomette is like a gentle hug.
Back to the layover in Chicago. With the lake affect chills, we found it difficult to roam the city, so we made our way to a close restaurant to have a little bite to eat.
Sorry. I can’t seem to make the pictures smaller.
As we made our way to see our friends, we waited until 9:00 p.m. to board the next leg of the trip. We arrived in Erie, PA at 7:00 a.m., and we traveled 45 minutes to the cottage on the frozen lake. How wonderfully delightful that was. After a nice breakfast, we set out snowshowing on the lake frozen so deeply that it serves as a winter paradise of ice fishing.
We enjoyed a delightful time with our friends, with whom we’ve traveled to Alaska, the Gulf Coast, to Puerta Vallerta, and on many camping trips together. I love these friends.
Well, I could go on and on, but I will leave you with a lovely picture of happy hour at 20 degrees Farenheit. Thank you for reading my blog.
As one who identifies as Indigenous, the latest findings of Indigenous children’s marked and unmarked graves on the grounds of Native Boarding Schools across Canada and the United States abhors me, which can feed into generational wounds. Lately, I have been invited to offer lectures on the topic. Here I share with you some of my reflections as presented to church groups. Remember, I only speak with my Indigenous relatives. I do not speak for all Indigenous Peoples.
Residential Boarding Schools: We must acknowledge what happened to the First People of these Lands at the hands of Colonial Settlers
To all my Relations…
Following in the ways of loving one another, as any faith journey tells us to do, gives us a framework for our way of life. Our works of truth and reconciliation must mirror that. Like baptism, we must face the truths of our past, even when they give us discomfort. When we learn some painful truths, we must reflect on those truths rather than deny, wallow in guilt or point fingers. The painful actions of history belong to all of us… together. Again, the painful actions of history belong to all of us. I say that as one who is Indigenous to these lands to which I acknowledge: My homeland is the Uncompahgre Valley, Western Colorado, from where colonial settlers displaced my father’s people (Ute). My Mother’s people experienced the same atrocities in their homeland of what is now, New Mexico. In Kansas, I live and work on the ancestral territory of many Indigenous Nations, including the Kaw, the Osage, and the Pawnee. Kansas is currently home to the Prairie Band Potawatomi, the Kickapoo, the Iowa of Kansas and Nebraska, and the Sac and Fox Nations.
I am grateful to these Nations. I ask you to Please remember these truths
Bathe in the Beauty of Nature
Today, we take this opportunity, no matter who we are, and no matter from whom we descend, to face the pain of the past, to confess it, and above all, to learn from it and not repeat it. To tell the truth in love, as our Creator teaches, gives us pause to learn love’s excellent way of life and way of being.
What are the ways in which we can behave in actionable ways to follow the path of love rather than hate, rather than ignoring inhumanities, rather than justifying slavery and other exclusions and turning away from the practice of human hierarchies? We must recognize and acknowledge the wounds of Indigenous Peoples promulgated by governments, churches, and other institutions that join in the cause of separation and erasure. Then we must remove the barriers to access for all historically excluded identities. Only love, honor, and respect can dwell in the Creator’s presence, and we must join our hearts and hands to rebuild our communities of faith.
Let us move away from mere performance to authentic and measurable actions toward an equitable society where we honor and love one another as the Creator loves us.
In reflection, what makes me hopeful today are the Indigenous youth who are learning the spiritual teachings and the folkways of our ancestors. We promote generational healing through prayer and acknowledgement that we only survive in the light and love of our Creator and through the support of one another. When this society begins to acknowledge the truths that segregation, torture, abuse, and separation of Indigenous children is, by design, meant to erase a people not love them, the healing will begin.
A Healing Fire
Please note that of the 367 Native boarding schools in the U.S. 73 remain open, and 15 continue to board Indigenous children taken from their parents. Here in Kansas, we must acknowledge the following boarding schools and the atrocities fraught upon Native children: Haskell Indian Training School (now Haskell University), Great Nemaha Indian School, Kaw Manual Labor School, Kickapoo Labor School, Osage Manual Labor School, Potawatomi Labor School, and the Shawnee Mission boarding school. The goals of these schools promised to “take the Indian out of the boy or girl.” Graduation was never a goal, however survival remained a wish for the children. Again, The children who were able to leave these schools did not graduate! They survived!
We cannot heal in the places that make us sick. We can only heal, if the society complicit in Indigenous extermination can move away from greed and the concepts of superiority in order to teach a people that they are, indeed, inferior. I am hopeful because I am here today, with each of you, lamenting the wrongs of the past by governments and other institutions who do not follow the teachings of the Creator to “Love one another.” I ask you, How is genocide of a people, Love? How are exclusionary laws and policies, Love? How is justifying slavery, love?
Rev. Linda Nicholls and Rev. Mark Macdonald note that:
“The wrenching legacy of residential schools is felt not only by those who survived. It lingers in the pain of families whose children died while at school. It lingers in the agony of not knowing why they died or where they are buried. It lingers in the inadequate record-keeping that does not tell the cause of death. It lingers in the neglect to even record the names of almost one-third of those who died. For a parent the death of a child is an unimaginable pain.”
I ask you to empathize with the parents. Can you imagine such a thing to happen to you and your family?
My featured image illustrates the loveliness of our daughter, Riki. We lost her, nearly six years ago, to a stroke at the young age of 34 years. She would have been 40 on September 27. She had lived with atrial fibrillation for 11 years, and a new doctor took her off her medicine “to see how she’d do!” I had later read that taking someone off this particular heart medicine could lead to stroke. The new cardiologist simply listed Riki as a “non-compliant patient” to avoid any law suit. Left behind were three young children, a husband, and a loving family to ponder, “why?”
Riki was a leader. She exercised her voice to support and advocate for those who did not have a voice. She was a devoted daughter, sister, mother, spouse, and friend. She loved her work as a school nutrition administrator. Riki was full of energy, and she loved innovation in meal preparation and addressing life’s challenges. Some called her, “bossy,” because strong women scare those who do not have the confidence to put themselves “out there!” She worked hard, played hard, and loved hard, and that’s what made Riki unique and beautiful.
If my daughter learned anything from me, it was to gather friends and family to socialize around stories, laughter, music, and food. I learned even more from her about the stewarship of great friends. She hosted her “village” every Wednesday for a “taco bar.” She loved to cook, and she cooked fabulously. Her friends loved all that Riki was. One of Riki’s dear friends, Danika, began a tradition of making Riki neck garlands out of the peppers from the garden. A few years back when “the village” was celebrating Riki’s birthday, I was gifted with the chili necklace. I dehydrated the hot monsters, and I use the pepper flakes, very sparingly, in recipes calling for some heat. About a week ago, Danika did it again! She sent a chili garland! The chilies are bright and lovely, and the flakes proved to be quite potent! Behold, the color! I call the chili flakes, “Danika’s Chili Blend,” or simply, “Danika.”
Chili Necklace
Today, Riki’s boys work for Danika, Riki’s best friend, in the kitchen, at a local pub/restaurant. The 18 year old just started college, and the 17 year old is a senior in high school.
What we know is that she was a beautiful, unique, loving, and thoughtful person. Most of all, Riki loved her children and her spouse, Jonathan. They miss her dearly. We were lucky enough to get a visit from Jonathan and Sam, Riki’s only daughter, this past weekend. The “boys” have jobs, so were not able to make the trip. We honored Riki with meals around the table, as was her practice, and stories of her life.
Riki and Jonathan in 7th Grade
While we tend toward daily thinking about our time on earth with Riki, we rejoice in that we see her so heavily in her children. While I know that our son-in-law will likely find love again, we see her influence in him, too, and we know that he keeps Riki in his heart.
We will celebrate her birthday this evening with one of her favorite dishes: Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, and corn. One of the most lovely things is that she and her brother, Stevie, had a very close and loving relationship. He will likely celebrate his sister with a fire and tobacco blessings (from our Indigenous teachings). I look forward to the pictures that he sends when he has a fire. Come to think of it, we will have a fire, too.
Human Ecology: People, Foods, Travel, Culture, and Social Justice 